week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
