youre lurking in front of me
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
