just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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