i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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