I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
