hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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