You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
