Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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