I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
