I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
