I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize