I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
