hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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