she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
