So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
