Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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