i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This is my gift to your gina
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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