you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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