well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
