Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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