i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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