Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
