you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
