Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
