I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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