so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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