the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
