remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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