Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
