Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Operation Purity has been aborted
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
