Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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