If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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