i don't like sucking hair
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Sorry about my life...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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