dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
