would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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