Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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