I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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