McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize