Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize