I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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