we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
