I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
