this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
