sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
