So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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