New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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