I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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