Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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