I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
