CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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