Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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