Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you would pick up someone in the library
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
