I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
