I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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