what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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