If i come over, it means nothing
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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