Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
