I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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