I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
